Self-Medication

Listening: You see the trouble with me; monkey see monkey do. There's no you in tomorrow. A better offer came through.

What's my problem? Only 10 more months 'til re-evaluation time.

I'm here at a coffee house in Davis Square with free wifi forcing myself to blog. I am forcing myself to write, because I haven't written much at all over the course of this month.

It's been a trying month. It's been a lot of work this month, and not fun work. I find myself not really enjoying myself at work. There are a lot of reasons that I haven't been enjoying myself very much at work. First of all, I work upstairs in the actual kitchen while the other two are working downstairs. This is a blessing and a curse. While upstairs, I get to be alone in my thoughts 85% of the time. I put on my iPod and listen to whatever I want to listen to, whether it be Smashing Pumpkins, Faithless, Badly Drawn Boy or Hall & Oates. I get to see sunlight through the pass. And best of all, I, more often than not, do not have to deal with the sous-chef.

On the other hand, I'm by myself. There's no one telling funny stories about other cooks they knew who did this, that or the other. There's no joking. There's not a lot of helping and collaboration. It's just me.

The actual work that I'm doing isn't all that complex either. I'm doing a lot of blanching and poaching. I'm doing a lot of knifework as well. I've become the human immersion circulator. I keep things at constant temperatures for long periods of time by temping them out every X number of minutes. I roast. I make a vinaigrette occasionally. Sometimes I make a puree or a sauce. Mentally, it's not all that challenging. Don't get me wrong, it's an important part of the business of running a restaurant. It has to get done. I'm the guy doing it. Everyday.

During service, honestly, the pickups are for dum-dums. I could rock my station any day of the week no problems. During the slow part of the season on Nantucket, we were rocking three and four pan pickups. Here, I don't really think I have anything beyond a two pan pickup if you count the pasta boiler as an actual pan. The plating is pedestrian. There's no real thought for me during service. Sometimes I have to help the sous plate stuff (which is also really easy). Sometimes I have to help out chef to plate some things from the fryer as well. Sometimes I swoop over and call some tickets when it's busy as well. Still, it's all really easy.

My input isn't really going anywhere in the restaurant. I haven't put up a single special. I haven't really contributed much to the menu, with the exception of suggesting that we put a poached egg add on supplement to any noodle dish. Prior to that, my only real contribution that was taken was the way that the dumplings were plated. For the first couple of weeks it's as if no one could find a nice way for five dumplings to sit on the plates that the restaurant had.

There have been a lot of complaints on the nights that we're slow. Everyone wants to know how to get more people in the door. We've been featured in the Weekly Dig, Stuff @ Night, The Improper Bostonian and the Boston Globe's food section. Chef's not doing anything about marketing or publicity to get more people in. He's not twittering or updating the facebook with pictures of food or nothing. He thinks that just cooking is enough. That's just one part of the BUSINESS. It's a business. There's the art side of things, which are the ideas, the food, the tastes and textures. Then there is the business side of things, the numbers, the accounting, the food costs, the expenses and most of all the growing of the business, which includes marketing. In this day and age of viral marketing and social networks, you really need to put yourself out there and get people thinking about your business. You need to take every opportunity to reach out to people, to get them in the door and then get them to come back and bring someone else who will come back. Chef doesn't get the fact that we need to get out there and get the word out there.

I have recently told some of my friends not to come in. In fact, just yesterday, I texted my pal K that I wanted to shoot myself in the face. She asked if she should come in for dinner with her friend that she was planning on meeting. I told her that I was sure that there were more fun places to go.

When we first opened, I was gung ho about it all. I was constantly telling my friends to come in and eat. And they did. And they came back. And they brought more friends. I believe in the project. The hours were long, but I believed in the project. I believed that we were learning the ropes. I believed that some of our problems stemmed from just being new. When you see that the problems aren't going away, you start to lose heart. When you're not learning as much as you thought you would be learning, you lose heart. You start as the only positive person in the kitchen. You then move to the guy who's putting on a good face in an attempt to get everyone else to be positive, and then you move to being a guy who is just trying to get through the week, then the day then the hour. Sometimes I feel like that guy.

Probably the most frustrating part of work for me is, was, and will continue to be the sous-chef. He sucks. I have zero respect for that man. I try to make the best of it, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't want to tear that man to shreds. He's disorganized, inconsiderate, holier than thou, sucks on the line, can't plate worth shit (even easy plates), can't expo worth a damn when he's on the expediting station, and worst of all he's a dirty cook. When the night is over, there's oil splattered everywhere, bits of veg all over the floor, and just a big mess under his station. It's almost disgusting. I understand that cooking can be a messy business, but it really doesn't have to be nearly as messy as he makes it. It's like Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoon. Oh, I sooooooo want to kick him in the balls every day. Yesterday, he decided that he wanted to use my veg knife to cut a scrubby. I asked him if he was "fucking for real."

It's tough being in this environment knowing that last year I was having the time of my life in Asia, and knowing that if I want my old job back on Nantucket, it's waiting for me. It's hard for me to know that I probably could be making more money elsewhere, but I took this job because I believed in the project. It's hard to know that I could have taken a job at a place with a nationally recognized name, but I took this job because I believed in the project and it was the type of food that I wanted to do. What do you do when you find yourself doubting the project? What do you do when you feel like the project isn't doing for you what you thought it might?

I'm a firm believer that you can do anything for a year. I'm doing my best to give this a year. I am strong. I have a will. I am a good cook and I care about food. I just need to get through the next ten months, or the next month, or the next week, or the next day, or the next service, or the next hour.

To deal with this all, I've been doing a lot of self-medicating. Drinking. I'll admit it, as of late, I have been drinking a whole lot more than I ever did on Nantucket. For the first time in a while, I drank so much that I felt like complete crap all day the next day. That was Friday night's drinking affecting Saturday. So I've been on the wagon the past few days. I dunno how long I'm gonna stay on it, but I'm going to try to stay on it for a bit. It's hard when you spend so many hours with so few people that you actually enjoy the company of. It's even harder when you spend so many hours with some people that you actively dislike. Drinkin' ain't the answer though.

The answer is other people. It's tough when you work odd days. Daytimes are solitary because everyone is at work. Nighttimes during the week are rough because 9-5ers have to wake up in the morning to go to work. It's even worse that I have split days off too. I have Mondays and Wednesdays off. So Monday night I can't hang out late if I wanted to because I have to work on Tuesday. The same goes for Wednesday. I can't skip town for a "weekend." None of that.

I have had some nice nights though. There was a great evening at Sel de la Terre and one at Eastern Standard that was nice. I'm meeting a few new people, and hopefully will be meeting a few more. I'm on the hunt for some dates who would be interested in my endless culinary babble.

Enough about the not so fun side of my life. There have been amusing bits in my life. Today, I saw a host of interesting people out on the streets. Out in front of Dunkin Donuts, there was a girl in patent leather pants and funny colored hair. She looked grossly out of place. In front of me on the walk to the coffeeshop where I am now, there was a DUDE wearing gray sweatpants and Uggs. I repeat, A DUDE. Here at the coffee shop, there was a Silent Bob lookalike, a girl who looked like an eastern European model, and a guy who looked like a cross between Peter Pan and a pirate. He was wearing a poofy green shirt with a mandarin collar, a black leather belt tying it off that included a loop to hold a sword or something (though there was no sword in it), a pair of black pants and a green bandana that matched his shirt. He had glasses and muttonchops. It was quite a sight. It was so amusing that I had to tell my friend Mona about it over instant messenger.

In other news, which really isn't news, I'm still plotting my escape from the country. I've been reading my book on planning around the world trips. It can be done for as little as $10,000, but that means you won't be enjoying yourself very much. You can do it for as much as $100,000, but really? Wouldn't you rather buy a house? I'm trying to reach a goal of $30,000 with a $5000 landing cushion. I plan on traveling for a full year, trying to get little jobs under the table. Maybe I'll cook. Maybe I'll teach some Engrish. Maybe I'll work at a hostel. But, I will be away for at least a year. I think it will take me at least two years to come up with the capital if my current expenses stay as they are. I plan on going everywhere. I want to go to Tibet, Israel, Morocco, South Africa, Turkey, New Zealand, Australia, Korea, Brazil, Argentina, Portugal, Spain... I want to go EVERYWHERE. I don't want an intense plan. I want to wing it. I want to see if I can get friends to meet up with me along the way. I want to see places I've already been before again! It's thinking about these things that keep me going. It keeps me solid.

Last year, on this very day, I was having a miserable time in Vang Vieng, Laos because the group that my pals Jen and Adam were with were having internal conflicts. To be honest, the guy causing the conflict was a huge douche. A year ago tomorrow, though, I met Julia. I'm a few days away from meeting Chloe. And I'm ten days away from meeting Paolo, Sophie and Clover. I miss them all so much. I wish I was back there, dirty, sweaty, with my life on my shoulders literally instead of figuratively.

Man, I need a hug.

Finally, I'll leave you with some viewing. For those of you who don't know what Jamie Oliver is trying to do, watch this. The world is in dire straits. I would love to do more than just sign Jamie's petition, but I'm in no position to do so. All I can do is continue to cook with good, fresh foods. Seriously, watch this.



This is what it looks like when we break down pigs.









Hope you enjoyed.

Just A Reminder...

Listening: I love girls, girls, girls, girls, girls all over the globe.

What's my problem? It's not warm and there are no Thai strippers in Boston.

I just want to remind you exactly where I was a year ago. Best. Valentine's Day. EVER.

Readin', Ritin', & Rawkusness

Listening: All the pages that have turned. All the errors left unlearned. Oh, well, I'm the luckiest guy, not the loneliest guy in the world. Not me.

What's my problem? There's simply not enough time in the week.

Right now, I would love to be doing my laundry that has piled up, but I know that if I started it now, I wouldn't be done until well after two in the morning. I would love to be watching the newest episode of "Lost," which is already up online, but there are more important things to be done. What are these important things? I haven't a clue. But here I am blogging away like I haven't done it in weeks. Wait. I haven't done it in weeks.

I know that I've been telling you that I've been working long hours and that I have been too tired to blog, and it's true. The whole working from (I'll be honest here) half past ten in the morning (Okay, I'll really be honest, sometimes eleven) until anywhere from half past ten at night or as late as half past midnight six days a week can be pretty tiring.

When you have one day off, you have to figure out what you want and what you need to do on your days off. Rest is always a priority. I find myself catching up on sleep or just being at rest for a good portion of my day off. Sometimes I'm catching up on shows or movies on my computer. Other times I'm passed out until the middle hours of the afternoon. Cleanliness is always a priority. I end up tidying up my room on my days off. For a while I had a basket of clean laundry hanging out, unfolded for at least a week. For those of you who REALLY know me, you know that this NEVER happens. Yesterday, it all got put away... and now I need to do laundry again. BLASTED!

Every day off, though, I make a point of going out and being social. Two weeks ago, I ended up having dinner with Manni, Mona, and Mona's friend, Adam, at Sel de la Terre. We had originally planned on having dinner at the bar, taking advantage of their sliders which are offered on Mondays and Tuesdays. However, after looking around for seats at the bar, we ended up at one of the tables adjacent to the kitchen. These are really fantastic table where you can see all of the action and you can ask asinine questions like, "Do you all really have to wear gloves ALL of the time?" (Yes, I asked.) We chatted up the chef and it turns out that I fed him when when he was down on Nantucket this past summer. Small world. So he, in turn gave us a few impromptu tastes, and I got a tour of the kitchen. Strangely, the kitchen is equipped with a little Japanese girl who gives massages. Well, I don't think it was her only function, but one of the line cooks was definitely taking advantage of the feature.

Last week, I FINALLY got to go out with Jess and Carlos. We went to Coppa in the South End, and, man, was it good. There were a few surprisingly disappointing charcuterie items, but I was overall very happy with my meal. I mean the menu featured a million things that you can't find anywhere else. There were pig tails and calf brain raviolis (both of which I ordered) in addition to tripe, foie, beef tongue and heart. Probably the tastiest things there weren't on the menu though. It was the waitstaff. Yep. The waitstaff. Our server was kind of a hipster girl with a green and black striped sweater, jeans and black Chuck Taylors. She had a nose hoop and a funky hairstyle. I liked her immediately. Running around the dining room was a skinny Asian chick with a tattoo on her forearm. It was a diagram of a pig with all of the primal cuts outlined. Sexy. Very sexy. Nothing says sexy like a girl with a pig tattooed on her.

It was good to see Jess and Carlos though. So much has happened to them over the past few months that it's good to catch up with them. I gots my fingers crossed for them. They have a plan in the works and I just hope it goes through.

It's funny. Sometimes I feel like I'm running around with my hair on fire, working my ass off, trying to do good work and trying to save enough money to take my year off that I forget why I moved back to Boston. I came back to reclaim my life from exile on the island. I came back to connect with people and be me again. Or, rather, be me again with people who are more like me or who have the same interests as I do. But, lately, I'm slow to return phone calls and e-mails. The only sure shot to get a response from me is to text message me. I don't exist any more or less than I did back when I was working on the island. It's pretty messed up.

Speaking of that, I was offered my old job back. I thought that I had told Chef that I would be taking this job to explore my squinty-eyed tendencies. But, a week ago, he texted me and asked if I was interested in coming back for another season. I politely and respectfully declined and told him that I knew that if we got the band back together, we could do better, more intricate food than we did last year, but I have to see this current project through. I told him that I would consider going back to the island at some point during the summer to play, but not as a full time gig. It was nice to be asked though. I'm sure Chef and I will be in contact for quite some time, and I'm not completely ruling out the idea of going back at any point in time. But, for now, I have to work on the current task at hand.

Anyhow, more about the day off. This past day off, I spent, again, most of my day tidying up my room. I reorganized a few things, put away some laundry and caught up on some fights that took place on Saturday. I walked into Harvard Square to take care of some errands. Originally, I set out to buy Corinne Bailey Rae's new album, "The Sea," which I have been listening to over streaming audio at KCRW.com. However, when I went to Newbury Comics, right next to the CD that I intended on purchasing for $12.88 was a live concert 2 CD set from... wait for it... DAVID BOWIE! It was only $14.99! I sat there and debated it in my head for a little while, but c'mon. It's BOWIE! I had to buy it. I listened to it at home, on my way to work, at work, on my way home from work. It's a quality purchase. Corinne will have to wait for another time.

For dinner, I got together with a girl I met through my friend Mona. I had hung out with her in a small group setting once, and she's been into my restaurant a few times already since we've opened. I told her that I'm free on Mondays. She texted me two Mondays ago and we missed each other, so we made it happen this week.

I've always said, one of the best things in life is getting to know another person, really getting to know them. There's only so much you can learn about a person in a group setting. You get a little bit of backstory and you get to know some of their mannerisms. However, when you get a person one on one, you learn much more. You learn a little bit more about what makes them tick. What's especially exciting is when you think that a person is going to be one way, and they flip it on you. You see more depth and more details. You didn't peg them 100% when you first met them. You saw a glimpse of what they wanted you to see superficially. It's when you take the time that you can see through the translucent layers. It's a wonderful thing.

Needless to say, I had a great dinner getting to know this girl. Four hours flew by. What it all is, I don't know. I'm not sure I really care to know. It was just nice to have a one on one dinner, not only with someone new, but with someone who actually had something cool, insightful and intelligent to say. It's refreshing. For the past two years, I've only had those conversations with a few of the people that I worked with. And I worked with them almost every day (so it failed to be new).

So, that's what my days off have been like. I find myself wishing I had more time to read and write and cause a ruckas, but it's not happening. If my boss hires another cook to work part time, I'll be losing a day's pay a week. I'm not so sure if I'd be happy about that. It's a balance though. Is it worth it to have another day off or not? It's something that I have been thinking a lot about, both on my days off and as I prep the stations. I haven't come up with an answer yet. I'm sure my body and my social life would thank me for the extra day of rest, but would my plans to go abroad? That's a question for another night.

Soh Solly

Listening: Time won't give me time and time makes lovers feel like they've got something real.

What's my problem? Not enough time in the... week?

So I've been working a lot and I've been living life on my day off.

Today I went to the tailor to get some pants hemmed and some stuff dry cleaned. I bought a pair of fashion friendly waterproof boots. I had dinner with Mona, Manni and Mona's friend come my friend Adam. And I had drinks with Katherine. It was a day well spent but the blog is suffering.

I SWEAR one of these nights I'll write a real blog. I SWEAR. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to never eat foie again if I don't. You know how big that is.

The Cool Guy

Listening: Oh, then, complain and pray more from above, greedy little pig. Stop just watch your world trickle away.

What's my problem? Still early mornings.

The last two days of service have been downright awesome.

Today we broke down a whole pig. It was awesome.

Two front of the house people referred to me as the cool guy in the kitchen. Not that I'm letting that go to my head.

Tomorrow, we shall get our asses handed to us. It's gonna be busy.

Another Short Post

Listening: Because the wind is high it blows my mind... because the wind is high....

What's my problem? The bus.

Sorry about my lack of posts as of late. I've been working a lot. I mean a. lot.

I have never worked in a restaurant where I have had to be into work before noon. I guess that there were some days on Nantucket where I was in the kitchen at half past eleven when I knew that there was a ton of shit to do, but it was never the hard and fast rule.

At this new job, I'm supposed to be in at ten in the morning. Ugh. I don't think I've made it yet, but I'm always on top of my work, that's for sure. I always get my shit done on time. All of my stuff is nice. It makes me question being work at ten in the morning and working straight through until half past ten or eleven o'clock (or that one night where we were working until three in the morning) without a break. How is this possible?

Another interesting thing about this new place is that I am the positive one. It's like I'm the guy who works there who has rainbows shooting from his belly button. There's the chef who is pretty even keeled. He's a realist, but as the owner as well, he has worries and nerves about things. The sous chef is kind of high strung. He gets pissed off when things don't work out exactly as he wants them to. He's easily upset. But, me... Well, aside from the first half an hour once I walk through the door, I'm all sunshine and lollipops. I do my best to make sure that the both smile at least once a day by saying something sick or juvenile. I'm the muthafuckin' candy stripe cook.

I know that the front of the house folks like me a lot there. One of them flat out told me that I was her favorite in the kitchen. Chef's sister and I have a good rapport going on. She's constantly teasing me about the fact that I walk around with a citrus reamer in my bag, and I'm constantly teasing her about the fact that she's always looking for my reamer. It's a sick dirty joke that makes us both giggle a bit.

Aside from the fact that due to the large number of hours that I have been working, my plan of reclaiming my social life upon returning to Boston has been derailed, things are pretty okay in my life. I'm tired, not from the long hours, but the early hours. The prepping is difficult, but the line cooking, for me, is easy.

I say this sentence in regards to a lot of things and people in my life: "I believe in the project." And it seems that the statement, again, applies to my current job. I believe in the project. I do see flaws, but I'm low man on the kitchen totem pole (again). It's not my place. All I can do is follow orders, cook good food, feed people, and make people happy or make them smile a little bit. (Can you see the rainbows shooting from my belly button now?)

I'll have a more detailed post about Vegas later. I just finished uploading the pictures and video, but it's far too late, and I'm far too tired to write about it now. I can only really lay back, watch some TV and go to sleep.

Long Days

Listening: I'm taking what they're giving 'cause I'm workin' for a livin'.

What's my problem? I hate being at work at ten o'clock in the morning.

It's three in the morning and I just got home from work. I didn't even go out after work. Sunuva....