What's my problem? Only 10 more months 'til re-evaluation time.
I'm here at a coffee house in Davis Square with free wifi forcing myself to blog. I am forcing myself to write, because I haven't written much at all over the course of this month.
It's been a trying month. It's been a lot of work this month, and not fun work. I find myself not really enjoying myself at work. There are a lot of reasons that I haven't been enjoying myself very much at work. First of all, I work upstairs in the actual kitchen while the other two are working downstairs. This is a blessing and a curse. While upstairs, I get to be alone in my thoughts 85% of the time. I put on my iPod and listen to whatever I want to listen to, whether it be Smashing Pumpkins, Faithless, Badly Drawn Boy or Hall & Oates. I get to see sunlight through the pass. And best of all, I, more often than not, do not have to deal with the sous-chef.
On the other hand, I'm by myself. There's no one telling funny stories about other cooks they knew who did this, that or the other. There's no joking. There's not a lot of helping and collaboration. It's just me.
The actual work that I'm doing isn't all that complex either. I'm doing a lot of blanching and poaching. I'm doing a lot of knifework as well. I've become the human immersion circulator. I keep things at constant temperatures for long periods of time by temping them out every X number of minutes. I roast. I make a vinaigrette occasionally. Sometimes I make a puree or a sauce. Mentally, it's not all that challenging. Don't get me wrong, it's an important part of the business of running a restaurant. It has to get done. I'm the guy doing it. Everyday.
During service, honestly, the pickups are for dum-dums. I could rock my station any day of the week no problems. During the slow part of the season on Nantucket, we were rocking three and four pan pickups. Here, I don't really think I have anything beyond a two pan pickup if you count the pasta boiler as an actual pan. The plating is pedestrian. There's no real thought for me during service. Sometimes I have to help the sous plate stuff (which is also really easy). Sometimes I have to help out chef to plate some things from the fryer as well. Sometimes I swoop over and call some tickets when it's busy as well. Still, it's all really easy.
My input isn't really going anywhere in the restaurant. I haven't put up a single special. I haven't really contributed much to the menu, with the exception of suggesting that we put a poached egg add on supplement to any noodle dish. Prior to that, my only real contribution that was taken was the way that the dumplings were plated. For the first couple of weeks it's as if no one could find a nice way for five dumplings to sit on the plates that the restaurant had.
There have been a lot of complaints on the nights that we're slow. Everyone wants to know how to get more people in the door. We've been featured in the Weekly Dig, Stuff @ Night, The Improper Bostonian and the Boston Globe's food section. Chef's not doing anything about marketing or publicity to get more people in. He's not twittering or updating the facebook with pictures of food or nothing. He thinks that just cooking is enough. That's just one part of the BUSINESS. It's a business. There's the art side of things, which are the ideas, the food, the tastes and textures. Then there is the business side of things, the numbers, the accounting, the food costs, the expenses and most of all the growing of the business, which includes marketing. In this day and age of viral marketing and social networks, you really need to put yourself out there and get people thinking about your business. You need to take every opportunity to reach out to people, to get them in the door and then get them to come back and bring someone else who will come back. Chef doesn't get the fact that we need to get out there and get the word out there.
I have recently told some of my friends not to come in. In fact, just yesterday, I texted my pal K that I wanted to shoot myself in the face. She asked if she should come in for dinner with her friend that she was planning on meeting. I told her that I was sure that there were more fun places to go.
When we first opened, I was gung ho about it all. I was constantly telling my friends to come in and eat. And they did. And they came back. And they brought more friends. I believe in the project. The hours were long, but I believed in the project. I believed that we were learning the ropes. I believed that some of our problems stemmed from just being new. When you see that the problems aren't going away, you start to lose heart. When you're not learning as much as you thought you would be learning, you lose heart. You start as the only positive person in the kitchen. You then move to the guy who's putting on a good face in an attempt to get everyone else to be positive, and then you move to being a guy who is just trying to get through the week, then the day then the hour. Sometimes I feel like that guy.
Probably the most frustrating part of work for me is, was, and will continue to be the sous-chef. He sucks. I have zero respect for that man. I try to make the best of it, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't want to tear that man to shreds. He's disorganized, inconsiderate, holier than thou, sucks on the line, can't plate worth shit (even easy plates), can't expo worth a damn when he's on the expediting station, and worst of all he's a dirty cook. When the night is over, there's oil splattered everywhere, bits of veg all over the floor, and just a big mess under his station. It's almost disgusting. I understand that cooking can be a messy business, but it really doesn't have to be nearly as messy as he makes it. It's like Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoon. Oh, I sooooooo want to kick him in the balls every day. Yesterday, he decided that he wanted to use my veg knife to cut a scrubby. I asked him if he was "fucking for real."
It's tough being in this environment knowing that last year I was having the time of my life in Asia, and knowing that if I want my old job back on Nantucket, it's waiting for me. It's hard for me to know that I probably could be making more money elsewhere, but I took this job because I believed in the project. It's hard to know that I could have taken a job at a place with a nationally recognized name, but I took this job because I believed in the project and it was the type of food that I wanted to do. What do you do when you find yourself doubting the project? What do you do when you feel like the project isn't doing for you what you thought it might?
I'm a firm believer that you can do anything for a year. I'm doing my best to give this a year. I am strong. I have a will. I am a good cook and I care about food. I just need to get through the next ten months, or the next month, or the next week, or the next day, or the next service, or the next hour.
To deal with this all, I've been doing a lot of self-medicating. Drinking. I'll admit it, as of late, I have been drinking a whole lot more than I ever did on Nantucket. For the first time in a while, I drank so much that I felt like complete crap all day the next day. That was Friday night's drinking affecting Saturday. So I've been on the wagon the past few days. I dunno how long I'm gonna stay on it, but I'm going to try to stay on it for a bit. It's hard when you spend so many hours with so few people that you actually enjoy the company of. It's even harder when you spend so many hours with some people that you actively dislike. Drinkin' ain't the answer though.
The answer is other people. It's tough when you work odd days. Daytimes are solitary because everyone is at work. Nighttimes during the week are rough because 9-5ers have to wake up in the morning to go to work. It's even worse that I have split days off too. I have Mondays and Wednesdays off. So Monday night I can't hang out late if I wanted to because I have to work on Tuesday. The same goes for Wednesday. I can't skip town for a "weekend." None of that.
I have had some nice nights though. There was a great evening at Sel de la Terre and one at Eastern Standard that was nice. I'm meeting a few new people, and hopefully will be meeting a few more. I'm on the hunt for some dates who would be interested in my endless culinary babble.
Enough about the not so fun side of my life. There have been amusing bits in my life. Today, I saw a host of interesting people out on the streets. Out in front of Dunkin Donuts, there was a girl in patent leather pants and funny colored hair. She looked grossly out of place. In front of me on the walk to the coffeeshop where I am now, there was a DUDE wearing gray sweatpants and Uggs. I repeat, A DUDE. Here at the coffee shop, there was a Silent Bob lookalike, a girl who looked like an eastern European model, and a guy who looked like a cross between Peter Pan and a pirate. He was wearing a poofy green shirt with a mandarin collar, a black leather belt tying it off that included a loop to hold a sword or something (though there was no sword in it), a pair of black pants and a green bandana that matched his shirt. He had glasses and muttonchops. It was quite a sight. It was so amusing that I had to tell my friend Mona about it over instant messenger.
In other news, which really isn't news, I'm still plotting my escape from the country. I've been reading my book on planning around the world trips. It can be done for as little as $10,000, but that means you won't be enjoying yourself very much. You can do it for as much as $100,000, but really? Wouldn't you rather buy a house? I'm trying to reach a goal of $30,000 with a $5000 landing cushion. I plan on traveling for a full year, trying to get little jobs under the table. Maybe I'll cook. Maybe I'll teach some Engrish. Maybe I'll work at a hostel. But, I will be away for at least a year. I think it will take me at least two years to come up with the capital if my current expenses stay as they are. I plan on going everywhere. I want to go to Tibet, Israel, Morocco, South Africa, Turkey, New Zealand, Australia, Korea, Brazil, Argentina, Portugal, Spain... I want to go EVERYWHERE. I don't want an intense plan. I want to wing it. I want to see if I can get friends to meet up with me along the way. I want to see places I've already been before again! It's thinking about these things that keep me going. It keeps me solid.
Last year, on this very day, I was having a miserable time in Vang Vieng, Laos because the group that my pals Jen and Adam were with were having internal conflicts. To be honest, the guy causing the conflict was a huge douche. A year ago tomorrow, though, I met Julia. I'm a few days away from meeting Chloe. And I'm ten days away from meeting Paolo, Sophie and Clover. I miss them all so much. I wish I was back there, dirty, sweaty, with my life on my shoulders literally instead of figuratively.
Man, I need a hug.
Finally, I'll leave you with some viewing. For those of you who don't know what Jamie Oliver is trying to do, watch this. The world is in dire straits. I would love to do more than just sign Jamie's petition, but I'm in no position to do so. All I can do is continue to cook with good, fresh foods. Seriously, watch this.
This is what it looks like when we break down pigs.
Hope you enjoyed.
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