Day -1: CHILL! YOU MUST CHILL!

Listening: Your eyes are blinding my urban ways. I need to know your sunshine rays. I don't know why.

What's my problem? My own mind.

Whew. So I go to Nantucket tomorrow. It's been a long time coming and I dunno if I'm prepared or not. I have my last load of laundry in the dryer, 97% of my crap packed, a job waiting for me.... My knives are sharp. I password protected my computer... All I have left to do, really, is get my wheel axel switched out on my bike, pick-up/drop off some stuff at my brother's place, and pack my last bag. Why am I still so nervous?

I've had a lot of people backing me over the past four years, since I started cooking for a living. It started with people like Jess and Carlos, and ended with people like Tom Berry, who I haven't even cooked with before. In between, I've had the support of all of my friends, chefs and colleagues. As much as I thank everyone for this, it really is a blessing and a curse.

As that timeless band, The Gin Blossoms, once said, "If you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down." Most of the time I try not to have too many people expect too much from me, because I would rather surprise them than let them down. I fear that on Nantucket, I may have blown the element of surprise. The referring chef and the one that confirmed my references gave me glowing reviews so they say. I'm guessing that this means slightly more than, "He's a hard worker who puts up good food." So, when I start my job, I don't know how big of a rockstar they're expecting. I'll try my best to be the rockstar, but I'm really going there to BECOME the rockstar, BECOME the monster that I want to be.

Another reason I'm a bit nervous is that I have a great network in Boston, both personally and professionally. I have no doubt that if things go sour in Nantucket, I can always come back here to people who will know where to find work for me. In Nantucket, I don't know a soul. Not a single person. I know I'm a reasonably social person, but I'll be starting from ground zero. I felt like this when I went to college, and I know I made some pretty good friends right out of the gate, but you never know.

Probably the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I'm leaving the concrete jungle. I wear the city like it's a mantle. I love Boston. I love being able to take the T where ever I want to go. I love my little hideouts and coffee shops. I love the independent thought, style and cultures of the multitudes of people in the city. It has been joked about that I'll be the one Asian guy on the island. I was worried about that for a second, but then I saw this and realize that there would be at least one other person with slanty eyes on this island. Although I'm very against alcoving and self-ghetto-izing, I by no means want to be the token Asian on the island.

There are things that I am looking forward to as well, even starting with day one. First of all, Sam is driving me down to Hyannis, and is coming to spend a couple of days with me before I start working. She's a total country girl who has lived island life, walks around barefoot as much as possible, and appreciates the beach and being out of the city. She has been a great resource for me and if my urban withdrawl comes in the first two days, I'm sure she'll be there with the cold compress and ice chips should I break out into the sweats and start rocking back and forth with my knees to my chest. If that doesn't happen, we're gonna have a great time exploring Nantucket. I look forward to her excitement and glee whenever she sees something as random as a horseshoe crab.

I'm also looking forward to creating balance in my life again. For the past few months, I have been pushing hard. I've been working my ass off to the point that my ass is gone and all you see is the back of my abdominal cavity. Yep. Even the back of the hips are gone. I'm looking forward to having my one or two days off a week to go to the beach to read, or to try out something new. It'll be a new thing for me, this whole relaxing thing. There might be some sunshine, or perhaps some surfing (as you saw from the link above). To borrow the title of a series of mixes, I'm going to get "Back To Mine."

Finally, I'm looking forward to doing some new networking. I'm looking to expand my professional network of people so that it'll make it even easier to travel and cook. Hopefully I'll meet cooks not only from other parts of the country, but from other continents. Hopefully I'll get along with them and will forge some serious bonds to the point where they'll help me get jobs around the world. I realize that this may be a pipe dream, but it's my pipe dream. I'm not really expecting this to happen, but I sure am hoping for it.

Also hopefully by the end of the summer, I'll be able to save a good ten thousand dollars. That's my goal. I want to save ten thousand dollars so that I can put five away and use the other five to travel. As some of you already know, Southeast Asia is top on my list. It's cheap once you get there. There are cheap cooking schools. I'll learn to use ingredients that I have never used before. The culture is completely alien to me, and I have some friends somewhere around there.

Anyhow, that's all for now. I have to take care of some stuff before I really lose track of time.