Whore, Glutton for Punishment or Desperate?

Listening: Maybe in a month or two... Maybe when things are different for me... Maybe when things are different for you. You know all of this shit just sticks in my head.

What's my problem? I have no clue which one I am.

Paul, 19:25: Hey Zen, can u help me demo at the wine expo this Sat?.... 1:30- 6pm is..
Me, 19:27: Yeah probably. Gonna be easier than the last job?
Paul, 19:28: Yes.... Im demo-ing chowder ...have to be there by 3pm...
Me, 19:30: Okay I'm in. Just let me know where you want me to be, when and what I need to bring with me.
Paul, 19:31: Chez....Sat @130pm....a knife and chef coat
Me, 19:31: See you then.
Paul, 19:32: Ok

Am I insane? Am I really getting myself into this again? What the hell am I doing? And does Paul know the proper way to use ellipses?

It's totally against my better judgment to be doing another job with Paul like this. I have no desire to be a part of the fuck show that was the last catering job. But, at the same time, I don't have anything better going on at the moment. I don't have any stages lined up yet or anything like that. So, it's kind of an opportunity to get the hell out of the house.

I'm finding that it's impossible for me to work or write in my bedroom. I just end up watching vapid things on the internet and not really getting anything done. I think it has to do with two things. First of all, I don't have a proper chair and table set up for my computer. This makes it hard to properly sit and write. I think that this is also why I write and work so much better at coffee shops.

Second, I think that the room with no windows is irking me for the first time in a long time. While I was in China, I would wake up with the sun streaming in on my face in almost every hostel. So much so, that I sometimes used one of those eye masks. Now, in the windowless room, without anything scheduled, I lose track of time. I lay there, or I stare at my computer. Maybe I need to set some schedules (not that I haven't tried). I want to try to work at the coffee shops more. Maybe it'll help my retroactive blogging more too.

Anyhow, I just wanted to pose the question, what the fuck is wrong with me for taking this job? If anyone has any answers, please let me know.