Angry Urban Dweller: Day 23: The Payoff

Listening: I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toes, and I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo'. Then I wanna, ahh ahh. You make it so good I don't wanna leave, but I gotta, kn-kn-kn-know what-what's your fan-ta-ta-sy

What's my problem? I'm starting to get Western food cravings.

Let me, for a second describe to you the fantasy that's becoming a reality right in front of me. I'm in an internet cafe in the Central Airport Plaza Mall facing an atrium. In other atriums (ones without internet cafes) there are "Drypers superstar" contests going on where parents bring their kids in to see if they can get their kid into a diaper ad. My atrium is different. My atrium has the Gems and Jewelery School of Technology putting on some kind of show. So, in front of me there are around a hundred girls. Half of them are in university uniforms which involve white tailored shirts with silver buttons and black skirts (very hot), and the other half of the girls are in some sort of runway fashion show, so they're all strutting their stuff on the catwalk. I.LOVE.THIS.COUNTRY.

You know, as much as I would HATE wearing an actual uniform (though I do wear whites....), they make some girls who may look a bit blah hot as hell.

Yesterday, I had a lot of fun. I was up and in town by eight in the morning and off to a cooking class at The Thai Farm Cooking School. I was in a class with nine other people, a couple from Seattle, a couple from Sydney, three girls from Canada, and two girls from (I'm guessing) France who didn't talk too much to anyone else. Our instructor was the tiniest little Thai woman. The great thing about her is that she acted like every single badass chick I have ever cooked the line with. She was very straight forward and cracked a few quick jokes from time to time. If you weren't fast enough, you missed them. I learned how to make green curry, tom yam, pad thai, fried basil with chicken, and sticky rice with mango. It was a lot of fun. I wanted to take my instructor to Nantucket with me so she could cook the line next to me. I'm pretty sure the food would all be put out perfectly and I would be laughing my ass off as well.

Also, in honor of Linh's birthday (happy b-day, Linh!), I got my first Thai massage (sans happy ending, thank you very much). Goi talked to a bunch of people and found one of the best places in town. The woman at the front desk said that one hour wasn't possible, and that I would have to have at least a two hour massage. So I was in it for two whole hours. Oh yeah. It only cost me 200 baht, which turns out to be right around six dollars. Yeah. I can smell the envy of all you readers all of the way over here.

So, this little Thai girl takes me to a chair where she washes my feet and then brings me to a small room and tells me to change clothes. The clothes are a very loose fitting pair of pajama pants and a cheesecloth shirt. From there, she totally works me over. She hits all sorts of pressure points and contorts me in all sorts of ways. There were snaps, crackles, and pops all around. It wasn't really rough though. It was very relaxing. She found all sorts of knots and stuff. In the end, I came out feeling sore, but relaxed. And for two hundred baht, I would do it again in a second.

Anyhow, I have to go REALLY soon. So here's the payoff. Some pics and a couple of videos.