Day 180: Paranoia!

Listening: I'm sittin' at a coffee table unable to see straight, watchin' parallel lines unwind and undulate behind the rain-soaked window pane the scene's bleak. Another train leaving home, conceding defeat with a low moan.

What's my problem? I wonder if I suck sometimes.

So, I've been noticing something for a couple of weeks now. Pies, the sous, has become a bit distant from me. He doesn't say anything to me in the kitchen other than to criticize me, my mise, or something I'm doing. Sometimes he'll just start sticking his fingers in my mise looking for something wrong. Today he just started "fixing" something I cooked today that I had cooling in the walk in. It was kind of fucked up. He didn't say anything to me beforehand. He just went to town on it. I would have understood if he had brought it over to me and said, "I think there's too much vinegar in this." But he didn't.

So that's what's eating at me right now. I'm wondering if the slower pace of the nights and the fact that we're not going through our product as quick has made me sloppy. I'm wondering if he's right and I'm wrong. It's completely possible.

It's funny though. We were buddy-buddy for a while, but all of that seems to have dropped off. I'm wondering if I'm the bad guy of the kitchen now. I'm wondering if he's a bit threatened by some of the stuff I have been doing in the kitchen these days with the charcuterie and pates. I really don't know what it is.

If Pies does, in fact, have it out for me, it'll make it a bit harder for me to come back. I don't really want to work with/for someone who doesn't have my back. But, yeah, I get the feeling that Pies has a problem with me as of late.

It's a big question. Am I being paranoid or am I not? If I am, then I suck and I have to clean up my game and Pies is just being Pies. If I am not being paranoid, then Pies has it out for me and it's going to be an unpleasant three more weeks of working on Nantucket, and if I work on Nantucket next season, it'll be at another restaurant. Which is the better option? I don't know.