Listening: I remember me, and all the little things that make up a memory. Like she said, she loved to watch me sleep. Like she said, "It's the breathing. It's the breathing in and out and in and... Have you seen me lately?"
What's my problem? Nerves... and a cold.
When I was a child, I said that I never wanted to be a person with a job that required me to be behind a desk. I saw my father going in on weekends to do work in an empty office as I sat and played with model airplanes listening to the dot matrix printer hum and buzz. I saw the stacks of paper on his desk and I knew that I didn't want that for me. I saw all he was doing as intangibility.
It's not that I think or thought that his job and his profession is unimportant or unrewarding. It very much is/could be. I just know it is not for me.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a marine biologist, an astronaut, a writer, a DJ, and an advertising creative director. And then I woke up in the morning sometime in 2001 and found myself to be a corporate accountant. I found myself surrounded by stacks of paper, waiting for sheets of it to be spit out of laser printers. I found myself wearing khakis and being very unhappy.
Three years later, after some unfortunate events in the office and some other people's knives plunged firmly into my back, I turned to working in kitchens. For two years, I worked both jobs. And then I switched over to being a full time fine dining cook.
I no longer want to be a marine biologist, an astronaut, a DJ, an advertising creative director (sometimes I still want to be a writer, which is why this place exists). I am no longer wearing khakis or find myself surrounded by stacks of paper, waiting for more paper to be spit out of laser printers. I am a cook. I am a cook with a stretch of time to use as I please and the money saved to do such.
I am a free man.
When I was a child, my parents found out through what teachers told them that I was a child that needed structure to thrive. I have found that it's kind of true. I have found that I work much better with structure than with the free will to do as I please. I sometimes say to myself, "Holy fuck! What am I supposed to do?" The problem with that question is that it implies a specific destiny and goal. It implies a status quo that I should be aiming for. The word "supposed" I feel like means that it's what everyone else wants from me and what I should want for myself.
But I am a free man.
I want to see the world. I want to taste the tastes of other cultures. I want to see. I don't just want to do for the sake of a future or for the sake of the ending. I want to have constant moments of enlightenment, not just the nirvana at the end.
It's tough though. It's tough to not just focus on the end goal. It's tough to live in the now, but still keep yourself safe for the next two steps.
I always had a theory that most people are brought up thinking that either the next step will be the best, or that a time in their past is the best time in their lives. Just like kids in kindergarten think that the first graders are so cool because they get to have a whole day of school, and first graders look up to the sixth graders because they are almost out of grammar school. Sixth graders look up to seventh graders because they get to go to school dances and go to a new school, while the seventh graders look up to the eighth graders, because they're top dogs of junior high. The cycle goes on and on until you're an adult making your living, and even then, you're compelled to look forward to retirement. Most people have such strange lives filled with consistent want and envy.
What I want is for right now to be great, and I'm doing everything I can to insure that.
I'm on the edge of starting an incredible journey. Five countries in two and a half months. The flights are booked. I have no hotel booked as of yet, but I will have the first four nights booked before I leave. After that, my life is moment to moment. My life is what I feel right now. My life isn't about what happens when I get back to the States. It's not about how I want my career to go. It's not about opening up my own restaurant someday. It's not about buying a car, house, or anything. It's certainly not about retirement. It's about what am I seeing in front of me. It's about right now.
It's both exciting and nerve racking to not know what's around the bend. It's tough not knowing what's going to be happening in a week.
What I do know is that I'll see things that most Americans only dream of or think of as alien. I know that I'm not going to be one of those freedom fries Americans who is trapped in the bubble of American culture, thinking that our culture is the best and only way to be. I am one of those Americans who loves the possibilities of his own culture, but acknowledges that there are other ways of life that aren't better or worse, just different. I'll be seeing those differences and living those differences first hand. Maybe I'll incorporate some of the differences into my own, personal culture.
I know that all of this sounds preachy. It sounds selfish and ego-maniacal. But it is my life. Why shouldn't everyone be selfish about their own life? I don't pretend to tell people how to live their life. All I can do is tell people how I feel my life should be led, or how I would deal with things if I were in someone else's position.
But anyways, the bottom line is that all of this uncertainty is very scary. Life is very scary. But, really... would I really want it any other way? The stakes are what makes something valuable. I could have a very safe, secure life, but what would it be worth? It would have monetary value, that's for sure. I would have a net worth at least into six figures. With the way I'm living now, each day, to quote the cliche, is priceless. And as scared and nervous as I am, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Who Knows How To Travel?
Listening: There's so many times I've let you down, so many times I've played around. I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.
What's my problem? Seven hour layovers.
BOS-->LAX-->BKK-->HKG-->LAX-->BOS
All for $1294.03
What up, beeyatches? Who's your travel daddy?
More details to come.
What's my problem? Seven hour layovers.
BOS-->LAX-->BKK-->HKG-->LAX-->BOS
All for $1294.03
What up, beeyatches? Who's your travel daddy?
More details to come.
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Question of Philosophy
Listening: There has to be a change, I'm sure. Today was just a day fading into another and that can't be what a life is for. And anything she said, well, she feels a lot better. And that's all that really matters to me.
What's my problem? Philosophy of life.
In Buddhism, there are many different sects. There's Mahayana, or the "big vehicle," that believes that everyone can attain enlightenment and that those who are enlightened should help people onto the boat of enlightenment. There's Theraveda, or the "little vehicle," that believes that only a few can attain enlightenment. And there is Zen, or Ch'an, Buddhism, which has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with self cultivation in the effort to achieve enlightenment even for just a moment in the process of things.
Now my question is, if you get three individuals in a room, shouldn't the Mahayana practitioner try to help the Theraveda and Ch'an practitioners find enlightenment, or would he just shake his head and say, "You guys are just selfish." Would the Theraveda practitioner say, "I'm just trying to find enlightenment myself. I can't really worry too much about you and guiding you." or would he say, "This is what I'm doing to try to reach enlightenment." And finally would the Ch'an practitioner say to the other two, "enlightenment isn't in the extended nirvana that you're chasing, but in a simple moment of clarity." or would he just walk off and do his thing.
I know that not everyone is Buddhist. I'm not even really Buddhist. I know that if I were a Buddhist, I'd probably be a Theraveda or a Ch'an practitioner. However, I do see the same qualities in people, or the way people conduct their lives, that I see in the different sects of Buddhism. Who's to say which way is right or wrong really, though? I just hope that the Mahayana practitioners don't lambaste me for believing what I believe or living the way I live.
I honestly hope that I live up to my nickname/handle some day. I hope to find moments of clarity in the ongoing process to make myself better, both, as a person and in my craft. But, even then, when asked what I am, I know that the only answer to the question is "me."
What's my problem? Philosophy of life.
In Buddhism, there are many different sects. There's Mahayana, or the "big vehicle," that believes that everyone can attain enlightenment and that those who are enlightened should help people onto the boat of enlightenment. There's Theraveda, or the "little vehicle," that believes that only a few can attain enlightenment. And there is Zen, or Ch'an, Buddhism, which has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with self cultivation in the effort to achieve enlightenment even for just a moment in the process of things.
Now my question is, if you get three individuals in a room, shouldn't the Mahayana practitioner try to help the Theraveda and Ch'an practitioners find enlightenment, or would he just shake his head and say, "You guys are just selfish." Would the Theraveda practitioner say, "I'm just trying to find enlightenment myself. I can't really worry too much about you and guiding you." or would he say, "This is what I'm doing to try to reach enlightenment." And finally would the Ch'an practitioner say to the other two, "enlightenment isn't in the extended nirvana that you're chasing, but in a simple moment of clarity." or would he just walk off and do his thing.
I know that not everyone is Buddhist. I'm not even really Buddhist. I know that if I were a Buddhist, I'd probably be a Theraveda or a Ch'an practitioner. However, I do see the same qualities in people, or the way people conduct their lives, that I see in the different sects of Buddhism. Who's to say which way is right or wrong really, though? I just hope that the Mahayana practitioners don't lambaste me for believing what I believe or living the way I live.
I honestly hope that I live up to my nickname/handle some day. I hope to find moments of clarity in the ongoing process to make myself better, both, as a person and in my craft. But, even then, when asked what I am, I know that the only answer to the question is "me."
Friday, January 9, 2009
Going To The Well
Listening: Everybody! Needs somebody! Everybody! Needs somebody! Every! Needs some! Every! Needs some! Every! Needs some!
What's my problem? January is a bitch of a month to be looking for work in this industry.
In five days it'll be a whole month since I worked. I haven't been this unemployed since I graduated from college. Well, if you count the month long vacation/adventure around Europe a few years ago, maybe it's been only three years. Regardless, it's been a long time since I haven't had to worry about when to wake up and what exactly I have to do on that day. I haven't had to worry about asking myself where and when I would get my next paycheck.
I was supposed to work for Chez to cover a guy who would be away for a month over the three weeks I'm in Boston before heading off to Asia. When I went in to ask Marsoir about what shifts he wanted me to pick up, he said that it was so slow that he thinks that he has them all covered. That deflated me a little bit. Now I have to go and cast my net a little further than I had hoped. I don't really want to ask the Dizzle or CK if they have shifts they need filled. I'd rather just roll out of bed and walk the three blocks to the Chez.
Also, it's coming up on the two and a half week mark before I head out. This means that I would only be getting one paycheck anyways. So, I'm considering sucking it up, living really cheaply over the next seventeen days and heading to Asia as soon as possible.
All I have left to do to prepare for my Asia trip is to try to prepare my taxes (or get the info to the guy who does prepare my taxes), alert my credit card companies to the fact that I'll be abroad, get some traveler's cheques, buy my flight and insurance, buy adapters for my electronic devices, and get three pairs of pants hemmed. I think that's it.
The only reason I haven't bought my flights is that I'm waiting to hear back from the American Express travel agent over whether buying an Asia Pass through Cathay Pacific will give me the option to fly from city to city at least a few times for an insubstantial amount of extra cash. Who knows? I might want to fly from Ho Chi Minh City to Phnom Penh. I may want to fly from Siem Reap to Bangkok before I get my flight to Hong Kong.
Other than that everything else is peachy keen. I spent fifty bucks on prescription drugs for this trip, bought three new pairs of pants which Jack will have to hem, and have started digging out my gear for the trip. It's all sitting in a corner of the living room.
I have to decide whether I want to buy a new pair of Keens. The pair I have now are in pretty good condition. The only problem is that the heel has worn a little bit and it has exposed a couple of the air pockets that reside in the soles. What do y'all think? Do I need to spend the extra hundred dollars to replace them before I go on this trip, or should I just suck it up and deal with them? I guess I could replace them with a crappy pair of shoes over there should they crap out on me. However they will be my primary pair of shoes.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say for now. I don't even know what I'm going to be up to today. All I know is that it's coffee time.
What's my problem? January is a bitch of a month to be looking for work in this industry.
In five days it'll be a whole month since I worked. I haven't been this unemployed since I graduated from college. Well, if you count the month long vacation/adventure around Europe a few years ago, maybe it's been only three years. Regardless, it's been a long time since I haven't had to worry about when to wake up and what exactly I have to do on that day. I haven't had to worry about asking myself where and when I would get my next paycheck.
I was supposed to work for Chez to cover a guy who would be away for a month over the three weeks I'm in Boston before heading off to Asia. When I went in to ask Marsoir about what shifts he wanted me to pick up, he said that it was so slow that he thinks that he has them all covered. That deflated me a little bit. Now I have to go and cast my net a little further than I had hoped. I don't really want to ask the Dizzle or CK if they have shifts they need filled. I'd rather just roll out of bed and walk the three blocks to the Chez.
Also, it's coming up on the two and a half week mark before I head out. This means that I would only be getting one paycheck anyways. So, I'm considering sucking it up, living really cheaply over the next seventeen days and heading to Asia as soon as possible.
All I have left to do to prepare for my Asia trip is to try to prepare my taxes (or get the info to the guy who does prepare my taxes), alert my credit card companies to the fact that I'll be abroad, get some traveler's cheques, buy my flight and insurance, buy adapters for my electronic devices, and get three pairs of pants hemmed. I think that's it.
The only reason I haven't bought my flights is that I'm waiting to hear back from the American Express travel agent over whether buying an Asia Pass through Cathay Pacific will give me the option to fly from city to city at least a few times for an insubstantial amount of extra cash. Who knows? I might want to fly from Ho Chi Minh City to Phnom Penh. I may want to fly from Siem Reap to Bangkok before I get my flight to Hong Kong.
Other than that everything else is peachy keen. I spent fifty bucks on prescription drugs for this trip, bought three new pairs of pants which Jack will have to hem, and have started digging out my gear for the trip. It's all sitting in a corner of the living room.
I have to decide whether I want to buy a new pair of Keens. The pair I have now are in pretty good condition. The only problem is that the heel has worn a little bit and it has exposed a couple of the air pockets that reside in the soles. What do y'all think? Do I need to spend the extra hundred dollars to replace them before I go on this trip, or should I just suck it up and deal with them? I guess I could replace them with a crappy pair of shoes over there should they crap out on me. However they will be my primary pair of shoes.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say for now. I don't even know what I'm going to be up to today. All I know is that it's coffee time.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Some Images
Listening: *The theme to Epcot's "Illuminaions."
What's my problem? I should have taken more video.
Mr. Potato Head at the Toy Story Midway Mania attraction line.
The Epcot Ball at night.
The Illuminations firework display at Epcot.
The Illuminations firework display at Epcot.
The Illuminations firework display at Epcot.
Cinderella's Castle at the Magic Kingdom.
The dragon above the dance floor at the China Pavilion in Epcot on New Year's Eve.
Zebras outside my hotel, The Animal Kingdom Lodge.
A giraffe outside The Animal Kingdom Lodge.
The ingredients.
The finished product.
The China Pavilion on New Year's Eve
New Year's Eve Illuminations at Epcot
New Year's Eve Illuminations at Epcot
What's my problem? I should have taken more video.
Mr. Potato Head at the Toy Story Midway Mania attraction line.
The Epcot Ball at night.
The Illuminations firework display at Epcot.
The Illuminations firework display at Epcot.
The Illuminations firework display at Epcot.
Cinderella's Castle at the Magic Kingdom.
The dragon above the dance floor at the China Pavilion in Epcot on New Year's Eve.
Zebras outside my hotel, The Animal Kingdom Lodge.
A giraffe outside The Animal Kingdom Lodge.
The ingredients.
The finished product.
The China Pavilion on New Year's Eve
New Year's Eve Illuminations at Epcot
New Year's Eve Illuminations at Epcot
10 Things I Hate About Disney
Listening: Yeah, I've been blind and all that's been lost is a short loop running round my mind.
What's my problem? You can never go home.
Well, I'm back in Atlanta after being in Orlando for a week or so. I have to say that this trip was pretty lackluster. It was by far one of the less fun trips to Disney in recent memory. To preface this for those of you who don't really know me all that well, I have been going to Disney World since I was a zygote. I've been to Disney World about as many times as years that I have been alive (though I may have slipped, since I haven't been much over the past three years).
My family moved a number of times when I was a kid. Six years in Boston, six in suburban St. Louis, and six in Chicago (roughly). The only real constant that I had was Disney World. It was the only place that my parents took my brother and I for vacation. There was that one year that we went to Sanibel Island. I had a great time taunting fiddler crabs and playing in the sand and the (as I remember it) clear water, but I don't think my parents had a very good time. Go figure. The kid has fun at an adult place and the adults have fun at the kid's place.
Anyhow, I have been going to Disney World since it was just the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, The Contemporary Resort, The Polynesian Resort, Fort Wilderness, and the Disney Villas. That was back when Downtown Disney was called The Village. There was no Disney Hollywood Studios, no Animal Kingdom, no Vacation Club, no Pleasure Island, and no Boardwalk.
Don't get me wrong. I still love Disney. It's just that there have been some changes to the land of the mouse, changes that I just don't really dig. They're changes that really turn me off about the place that is essentially the closest that I really have to "home." Some of the things that I now hate about the Disney experience are things that they have added, but there are also things that they have taken away from me that really irk the hell out of me. There are things that they have "improved" but what they mean by "improve" is that they have destroyed it.
So, now I'll count down the top ten things that I hate about Disney right now.
10) No handwiches to be found anywhere: When I was a kid in the Magic Kingdom, there was, and still is, a fast food stand across from Space Mountain, under what was then Star Jets, and what is now called Astro Orbiters called the Lunching Pad. This place used to sell these wonderful lunch creations called "Handwiches." "Handwiches" are the last eight inches of an Italian loaf/baguette that have been hollowed out and filled with either pasta and meat sauce (my favorite) or tuna salad. It was ingenious. It was good, tasty food packages such that one could continue walking around the park enjoying the scenery. These can no longer be found. To be honest, I haven't seen them in a good fifteen or twenty years. I lament about them constantly while there, which leads me to the next reason that I hate Disney World, or more importantly, the Disney Corporation.
9) Lack of quick dining choices in the parks: In an age where obesity is a problem, and healthy food options are really being searched for, there's really no variation in fast food around any of the Disney World parks. In every park, you can find turkey legs, french fries, popcorn, hot dogs, pretzels, ice cream, pizza and hamburgers. Sure, you can find a chicken sandwich if you look really hard or you wait in line for a half hour. Occasionally, you'll find a lackluster salad. But the truth of the matter is that the options out there aren't that good. I think that in Epcot, you have the best food options out there, at least in the World Showcase section of the park. But still, they could be doing so much more. Sure they sell crepes in the France Pavilion, fried rice in the China Pavilion, and udon in the Japanese Pavilion. I want to see falafel and shwarma at the Moroccan Pavilion and bruschetta at the Italian Pavilion. Even then, in the rest of the parks, it's easy to bust out some carts and make some nice, healthy, quick street food. It's because of the fast food that they're serving that brings me to the next thing that I hate about going to Disney World.
8) Obese People: I hate obese people. I know I shouldn't hate them, but I do. I abhor them, especially when they play the "Woe is me. I'm handicapped. Don't discriminate against me." I realize that a part, whether it be big or small, is played by genetics, and you can't really faulty people for that. However, I'm not willing to give people a free pass if they're "morbidly" obese. Believe it or not, there are a TON of obese people running around Disney World. I shouldn't say running. I think I could say waddling. Sometimes I should say scooting. See, a lot of them, these days, are renting these little motorized scooters to ride around the parks. Back in the day, both the obese people and the scooters were few and far between. Now it seems like they're everywhere. My mother said that during their "Soap Opera" weekend, they all come out to see the soap opera stars. I can't even imagine. When you can only fit four people abreast in a space where you can fit ten average sized people abreast, you know there's a problem. I realize that Disney World can't discriminate who they let in, but do they really have to make it as easy as they make it for them? This brings me to my next beef.
7) The Scooters: I already touched upon the whole obese people in scooters, but they're not who I have the beef with. See, there are other people renting scooters and wheelchairs at Disney World parks, and they're not always people who need them. There are legit people out there who have medical conditions that need to have a wheelchair or a scooter, people with broken bones, frail bones, hell, even people with chronic fatigue, but I saw people in wheelchairs and scooters that totally didn't need them. If you're going to come to an amusement park, get off your lazy fuckin' ass and walk around the park. It used to be that the people in wheelchairs and scooters went straight to the front of the line in the attractions. There have been so many people taking advantage of that, that Disney has said that you need a special handicapped card to go to the front of the line. Even that, I think is lame.
6) The Lines: I've never been phased much by the long wait times to get onto an attraction at Disney World. Not once have I batted an eye at a wait until this trip. This trip, and I realize that I was there during an extremely busy time, the lines both shocked and awed me. The standby line wait time that I saw topped out at 260 minutes. That's over four hours. Really? Four whole hours to get on a ride? Half a white collar workday? I'll throw the bullshit card down on that one. That was the case on not just one attraction, but try at least four in Epcot, at least four in Disney Hollywood Studios, and I'm sure that the Magic Kingdom and the Animal Kingdom had their own waits. Disney created this thing called Fastpass to try to remedy this a few years ago. You would stick your ticket in and you would get an appointment to get into a much shorter line for the attraction at a specific time. You could get one Fastpass every two hours or so. So, you would get your Fastpass and then get in line for another attraction, and probably by the time you had finished that attraction and went to do something random, it would be time for you to ride the first attraction. It was good. But now, all of the Fastpasses are gone before noon, so a lot of people are forced to stand in these four hour lines. It blows. It blows a lot.
5) Kids with Space Issues: On my last day at Disney World, my family and I went to the Toy Story Midway Mania ride/game in Disney Hollywood Studios. It's a great game, with a great an entertaining line to get to the attraction. What makes it not so great on this particular day were the kids behind us in line. Now, I realize that not all kids are like this, but there is a great number of them who are, so I still have to say something. I also realize that it may not be a problem with the kids, but a problem with the parents. But it does get annoying when kids squirm ahead of their parents, cause a ruckas, and generally don't follow the rules of social space. This one brat and his sister to squirm past me in line just as I was passing this post. For some reason, I was waddling a bit and squished the kids against the post. The sister ended up grabbing my leg, and I had to shake her off. I don't know where that kid has been. I don't know where her hands have been, and I'm no pedophile. Her hands should NOT be wrapped around my leg. It was really quite annoying. And though this sounds like an isolated incident, there are plenty of kids who aren't kept in check and they don't know where social boundaries are. I know that, too, isn't Disney's problem, but American society's as a whole, but there is such a bigger concentration of them in Disney World.
4) Nightlife for Adults: Sure, Disney World is a family place. Sure, much of the stuff in the parks should be geared towards people with kids and such. And I'm not asking for there to be stripper poles placed strategically around the Magic Kingdom or for the shells on Ariel's bra to be reduced to pasties, but there are people who are over twenty one years of age who aren't tied down to kids who go to Disney World. There has to be something to do for us after the parks close. Unfortunately, Pleasure Island is closed for renovations. They had a handful of cheesy clubs. I think what I'm most upset about was the fact that on a Friday night, the bar/lounge in my hotel closed up shop promptly at midnight. That shit ain't right. What has the world come to when a hotel lounge is closed at midnight? Disney definitely needs to work on alcoves for adults looking to get away from the crying children.
3) The Bus Drivers: Back when I was a kid, there weren't any automated PA systems on busses as they take you to and from the parks and resort hotels. Back when I was a kid, they had drivers with personality. They had entertaining people driving their vehicles. Sometimes you get a zany one, and sometimes you get a friendly one, but regardless they were all really interesting people. Now, all announcements are made by automated PA system. The drivers say very little other than, "hello" and "have a great day/night." There's no little factoids being thrown out. There is no random sing-alongs. There are no tips to avoiding the crowds (though I know those already). These drivers are downright boring. Bring back the colorful drivers, I say!
2) The General State of Sit-Down Dining: There are many things wrong with the current state of dining in Disney World. Back in the day, each of the sit down restaurants in both the resort hotels as well as the sit-down restaurants in the parks had their own real flavor in their menus. Now, all menus are vaguely reminiscent of each other. They all have a chicken dish. I don't remember seeing a duck dish on any menu I passed by. They all have a steak. There's usually a pork loin dish. I think that the only real variation that I saw was in the spicing. A place with an African bend on the menu, for some reason, had Nantucket Bay scallops on the menu. A place that had a seafood based menu still had all of the usual suspects (chicken, steak, pork), but didn't really have anything creative preparations of such proteins. Aside from that, the quality of food has gone down. The food seems to be done in a very sloppy manner. It has truly become of the level of Chili's for twice the price, in some cases. Some of these places have become a true turn-and-burn establishments. This is the fault of two things. First of all, it's clear that they're overbooking the reservations. A reservationist should know the capacity of a restaurant and the amount of time that it takes for a typical party to eat. Clearly, they do not. Second, there are so many new hotel units being built every day that they're not keeping up with the seats in restaurants. They're not growing their restaurant business appropriately. This leads to a truly shitty dining experience, an experience that I shake my head at as I lament the day that I ate at the California Grill at the Contemporary Resort and discovered that I loved food.
1) 16 Year Olds: Being a 30 year old, single, angry urban dweller, my eyes are always flitting to the next shiny object. When you're in Disney World, this can prove to be a humbling experience. See, there aren't a whole lot of single women at Disney World between the ages of say 24 and 35. You see a chica with a nice looking shape and OH MY GOD SHE HAS BRACES AND IS 16 YEARS OLD! I'M SUCH A PERV! So, as I walk around the parks, I'm forced to say in a hushed tone to myself, "Damn the 16 year olds." See they're old enough to look really hot, but young enough to have you thrown in jail for even insinuating that I might be a fun ride that she may want to wait in line for. Yes. The 16 year olds in Disney World kill me... along with the MILFs.
But Disney isn't all bad, despite all of their faults and the fact that they keep "updating" some attractions, which, in code, means "make them suck." There are some great new rides. You can get some really nice wine in some places on Disney property. You don't need to carry any cash (you charge it all to the room). And there is a decent amount of entertainment around most bends. Sure, it's not the Disney of my youth, and for that, I will be forever bitter. But it's not a bad place to go. I think that I would be happy if they fixed all of the dining problems and maybe got some of the fattys out of my way. It's not as if I'm going to stop going to Disney World, but I do hope that as the years go by, they get their heads out of their asses and start fixing some of the major problems that they have.
What's my problem? You can never go home.
Well, I'm back in Atlanta after being in Orlando for a week or so. I have to say that this trip was pretty lackluster. It was by far one of the less fun trips to Disney in recent memory. To preface this for those of you who don't really know me all that well, I have been going to Disney World since I was a zygote. I've been to Disney World about as many times as years that I have been alive (though I may have slipped, since I haven't been much over the past three years).
My family moved a number of times when I was a kid. Six years in Boston, six in suburban St. Louis, and six in Chicago (roughly). The only real constant that I had was Disney World. It was the only place that my parents took my brother and I for vacation. There was that one year that we went to Sanibel Island. I had a great time taunting fiddler crabs and playing in the sand and the (as I remember it) clear water, but I don't think my parents had a very good time. Go figure. The kid has fun at an adult place and the adults have fun at the kid's place.
Anyhow, I have been going to Disney World since it was just the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, The Contemporary Resort, The Polynesian Resort, Fort Wilderness, and the Disney Villas. That was back when Downtown Disney was called The Village. There was no Disney Hollywood Studios, no Animal Kingdom, no Vacation Club, no Pleasure Island, and no Boardwalk.
Don't get me wrong. I still love Disney. It's just that there have been some changes to the land of the mouse, changes that I just don't really dig. They're changes that really turn me off about the place that is essentially the closest that I really have to "home." Some of the things that I now hate about the Disney experience are things that they have added, but there are also things that they have taken away from me that really irk the hell out of me. There are things that they have "improved" but what they mean by "improve" is that they have destroyed it.
So, now I'll count down the top ten things that I hate about Disney right now.
10) No handwiches to be found anywhere: When I was a kid in the Magic Kingdom, there was, and still is, a fast food stand across from Space Mountain, under what was then Star Jets, and what is now called Astro Orbiters called the Lunching Pad. This place used to sell these wonderful lunch creations called "Handwiches." "Handwiches" are the last eight inches of an Italian loaf/baguette that have been hollowed out and filled with either pasta and meat sauce (my favorite) or tuna salad. It was ingenious. It was good, tasty food packages such that one could continue walking around the park enjoying the scenery. These can no longer be found. To be honest, I haven't seen them in a good fifteen or twenty years. I lament about them constantly while there, which leads me to the next reason that I hate Disney World, or more importantly, the Disney Corporation.
9) Lack of quick dining choices in the parks: In an age where obesity is a problem, and healthy food options are really being searched for, there's really no variation in fast food around any of the Disney World parks. In every park, you can find turkey legs, french fries, popcorn, hot dogs, pretzels, ice cream, pizza and hamburgers. Sure, you can find a chicken sandwich if you look really hard or you wait in line for a half hour. Occasionally, you'll find a lackluster salad. But the truth of the matter is that the options out there aren't that good. I think that in Epcot, you have the best food options out there, at least in the World Showcase section of the park. But still, they could be doing so much more. Sure they sell crepes in the France Pavilion, fried rice in the China Pavilion, and udon in the Japanese Pavilion. I want to see falafel and shwarma at the Moroccan Pavilion and bruschetta at the Italian Pavilion. Even then, in the rest of the parks, it's easy to bust out some carts and make some nice, healthy, quick street food. It's because of the fast food that they're serving that brings me to the next thing that I hate about going to Disney World.
8) Obese People: I hate obese people. I know I shouldn't hate them, but I do. I abhor them, especially when they play the "Woe is me. I'm handicapped. Don't discriminate against me." I realize that a part, whether it be big or small, is played by genetics, and you can't really faulty people for that. However, I'm not willing to give people a free pass if they're "morbidly" obese. Believe it or not, there are a TON of obese people running around Disney World. I shouldn't say running. I think I could say waddling. Sometimes I should say scooting. See, a lot of them, these days, are renting these little motorized scooters to ride around the parks. Back in the day, both the obese people and the scooters were few and far between. Now it seems like they're everywhere. My mother said that during their "Soap Opera" weekend, they all come out to see the soap opera stars. I can't even imagine. When you can only fit four people abreast in a space where you can fit ten average sized people abreast, you know there's a problem. I realize that Disney World can't discriminate who they let in, but do they really have to make it as easy as they make it for them? This brings me to my next beef.
7) The Scooters: I already touched upon the whole obese people in scooters, but they're not who I have the beef with. See, there are other people renting scooters and wheelchairs at Disney World parks, and they're not always people who need them. There are legit people out there who have medical conditions that need to have a wheelchair or a scooter, people with broken bones, frail bones, hell, even people with chronic fatigue, but I saw people in wheelchairs and scooters that totally didn't need them. If you're going to come to an amusement park, get off your lazy fuckin' ass and walk around the park. It used to be that the people in wheelchairs and scooters went straight to the front of the line in the attractions. There have been so many people taking advantage of that, that Disney has said that you need a special handicapped card to go to the front of the line. Even that, I think is lame.
6) The Lines: I've never been phased much by the long wait times to get onto an attraction at Disney World. Not once have I batted an eye at a wait until this trip. This trip, and I realize that I was there during an extremely busy time, the lines both shocked and awed me. The standby line wait time that I saw topped out at 260 minutes. That's over four hours. Really? Four whole hours to get on a ride? Half a white collar workday? I'll throw the bullshit card down on that one. That was the case on not just one attraction, but try at least four in Epcot, at least four in Disney Hollywood Studios, and I'm sure that the Magic Kingdom and the Animal Kingdom had their own waits. Disney created this thing called Fastpass to try to remedy this a few years ago. You would stick your ticket in and you would get an appointment to get into a much shorter line for the attraction at a specific time. You could get one Fastpass every two hours or so. So, you would get your Fastpass and then get in line for another attraction, and probably by the time you had finished that attraction and went to do something random, it would be time for you to ride the first attraction. It was good. But now, all of the Fastpasses are gone before noon, so a lot of people are forced to stand in these four hour lines. It blows. It blows a lot.
5) Kids with Space Issues: On my last day at Disney World, my family and I went to the Toy Story Midway Mania ride/game in Disney Hollywood Studios. It's a great game, with a great an entertaining line to get to the attraction. What makes it not so great on this particular day were the kids behind us in line. Now, I realize that not all kids are like this, but there is a great number of them who are, so I still have to say something. I also realize that it may not be a problem with the kids, but a problem with the parents. But it does get annoying when kids squirm ahead of their parents, cause a ruckas, and generally don't follow the rules of social space. This one brat and his sister to squirm past me in line just as I was passing this post. For some reason, I was waddling a bit and squished the kids against the post. The sister ended up grabbing my leg, and I had to shake her off. I don't know where that kid has been. I don't know where her hands have been, and I'm no pedophile. Her hands should NOT be wrapped around my leg. It was really quite annoying. And though this sounds like an isolated incident, there are plenty of kids who aren't kept in check and they don't know where social boundaries are. I know that, too, isn't Disney's problem, but American society's as a whole, but there is such a bigger concentration of them in Disney World.
4) Nightlife for Adults: Sure, Disney World is a family place. Sure, much of the stuff in the parks should be geared towards people with kids and such. And I'm not asking for there to be stripper poles placed strategically around the Magic Kingdom or for the shells on Ariel's bra to be reduced to pasties, but there are people who are over twenty one years of age who aren't tied down to kids who go to Disney World. There has to be something to do for us after the parks close. Unfortunately, Pleasure Island is closed for renovations. They had a handful of cheesy clubs. I think what I'm most upset about was the fact that on a Friday night, the bar/lounge in my hotel closed up shop promptly at midnight. That shit ain't right. What has the world come to when a hotel lounge is closed at midnight? Disney definitely needs to work on alcoves for adults looking to get away from the crying children.
3) The Bus Drivers: Back when I was a kid, there weren't any automated PA systems on busses as they take you to and from the parks and resort hotels. Back when I was a kid, they had drivers with personality. They had entertaining people driving their vehicles. Sometimes you get a zany one, and sometimes you get a friendly one, but regardless they were all really interesting people. Now, all announcements are made by automated PA system. The drivers say very little other than, "hello" and "have a great day/night." There's no little factoids being thrown out. There is no random sing-alongs. There are no tips to avoiding the crowds (though I know those already). These drivers are downright boring. Bring back the colorful drivers, I say!
2) The General State of Sit-Down Dining: There are many things wrong with the current state of dining in Disney World. Back in the day, each of the sit down restaurants in both the resort hotels as well as the sit-down restaurants in the parks had their own real flavor in their menus. Now, all menus are vaguely reminiscent of each other. They all have a chicken dish. I don't remember seeing a duck dish on any menu I passed by. They all have a steak. There's usually a pork loin dish. I think that the only real variation that I saw was in the spicing. A place with an African bend on the menu, for some reason, had Nantucket Bay scallops on the menu. A place that had a seafood based menu still had all of the usual suspects (chicken, steak, pork), but didn't really have anything creative preparations of such proteins. Aside from that, the quality of food has gone down. The food seems to be done in a very sloppy manner. It has truly become of the level of Chili's for twice the price, in some cases. Some of these places have become a true turn-and-burn establishments. This is the fault of two things. First of all, it's clear that they're overbooking the reservations. A reservationist should know the capacity of a restaurant and the amount of time that it takes for a typical party to eat. Clearly, they do not. Second, there are so many new hotel units being built every day that they're not keeping up with the seats in restaurants. They're not growing their restaurant business appropriately. This leads to a truly shitty dining experience, an experience that I shake my head at as I lament the day that I ate at the California Grill at the Contemporary Resort and discovered that I loved food.
1) 16 Year Olds: Being a 30 year old, single, angry urban dweller, my eyes are always flitting to the next shiny object. When you're in Disney World, this can prove to be a humbling experience. See, there aren't a whole lot of single women at Disney World between the ages of say 24 and 35. You see a chica with a nice looking shape and OH MY GOD SHE HAS BRACES AND IS 16 YEARS OLD! I'M SUCH A PERV! So, as I walk around the parks, I'm forced to say in a hushed tone to myself, "Damn the 16 year olds." See they're old enough to look really hot, but young enough to have you thrown in jail for even insinuating that I might be a fun ride that she may want to wait in line for. Yes. The 16 year olds in Disney World kill me... along with the MILFs.
But Disney isn't all bad, despite all of their faults and the fact that they keep "updating" some attractions, which, in code, means "make them suck." There are some great new rides. You can get some really nice wine in some places on Disney property. You don't need to carry any cash (you charge it all to the room). And there is a decent amount of entertainment around most bends. Sure, it's not the Disney of my youth, and for that, I will be forever bitter. But it's not a bad place to go. I think that I would be happy if they fixed all of the dining problems and maybe got some of the fattys out of my way. It's not as if I'm going to stop going to Disney World, but I do hope that as the years go by, they get their heads out of their asses and start fixing some of the major problems that they have.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Fairies Do Fly
Listening: But I don’t know what I was expecting to find. Am I losing my mind, or just biding my time?
What's my problem? I found out Tinkerbelle really is a fairy.
Okay. I'm delinquent, so I'll throw out this hook and line to appease the two or three people who check the blog every day. That's right. I know you check it, like little blog-hos waiting for their John to drop a post.
So over the past week and a half I have been in Atlanta, GA and at Disney World in FL. There have been a great many things I have learned in this time. First and most surprising is that I like the Wii. That's right. This guy who doesn't really play video games likes that machine surrounded in a candy shell of hype called the Wii. I could probably play Mario Kart and the Wii Fit for hours. I mean, how can you not like a game where you race go-karts? Furthermore, how can you not like a game that taunts you for being fat and uncoordinated. It's not outright taunting. It's subtle taunting that makes you think, "Is this little board here giving me shit?"
The second, and probably the most disturbing thing that I have discovered is that Tinkerbelle is a man, baby. I always knew that she was a fairy, but a... fairy? Yeesh. How, you might ask, did I find this out? Well, last night, I was at the Magic Kingdom for their fireworks show called "Wishes." At one point, Tinkerbelle flies from the castle, over the crowd and out of the park. It just so happens that my fam and I were directly under the zip line that Tinkerbelle was to "fly" along.
As Tinkerbelle started the journey and got closer and closer to us, something looked eerily wrong. This "fairy" had man arms and man legs. All of a sudden, my mother says, "Oh my god, that's a guy!" We all looked closer. Sure enough, it was a guy. My first response, and it was said a little bit too loud was, "OH MY GOD! That's not just a FAIRY, that's a QUEEN!" I think I have the right to call any man with a green dress and butterfly wings a raging queen. My entire family stood in shock and awe that a man was attempting to pass himself off as the master of pixie dust. This, as you can tell, became the joke of the night. You know, things like, "At least we REALLY know that fairies can fly" and "Let's just hope he doesn't try to sprinkle his pixie dust on the crowd."
As far as things I have acquired over the past few weeks, I have gotten a Canon SD 890IS digital camera, which seems to be doing the job. I'll have to wait until I buy a SD card reader and transfer the images and videos onto my computer to really find out.
I have also bought the first three seasons of "How I Met Your Mother." I actually got into the series during its second season. Since I have the first season, I can catch up on what happened before I got in. I have to say that the first season, though still hilarious, isn't as good as it has gotten over the past couple of seasons. Barney is less legen... wait for it... dary, and more dork. Still funny though. They have in subsequent seasons removed or lessened the frequency of recurring jokes, such as Barney saying the line, "Suit up!" in every episode, or seeing the kids that the narrator is talking to in every episode, but if you start late and watch the first season, there are a lot of references back to different items, such as the London phone booth, the swords on the wall, and the blue French horn.
I know that this doesn't really mean anything to anyone who doesn't watch this show, but it is the funniest TV show still in production. It's a toss up whether this show or the British show, "Coupling" is funnier. Luckily, now I have both series in their entirety, or at least as much as has been released.
Also, while here at Disney World, something weird happened to my back. I must have slept on it wrong (another reason why I love my bed at home... this shit don't happen). Right now, my back aches on the right side, below my shoulder blade. Sometimes when I breathe in, or when I reach into my pocket, I get a sharp jolting pain. It sucks. I answered my phone which was in my right pocket and nearly let out a yelp of pain. That wouldn't have been too kitchenly of me. It sucks and I'm on day two of it. I'm thinking I must have popped a rib in my sleep and I just need to let it heal and reset. It sucks though. It really sucks.
Well, it's the third of January. I'll be back in Boston by 9PM on the seventh, unless I get bumped again. *crosses fingers & hopes for free money* And I have less than a month before I want to depart the country. Earlier this summer I was a voracious reader when it came to guidebooks and online information about southeast Asia. Now, I've sort of let it go. I'm going to just sort of wing it. I still have to buy my flights and get some pants hemmed. Hopefully the next few weeks will be easy enough for me to get it all done.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say for now. Lots to do, lots to do, and no way to do it until I get back to Boston. I have to say that the more and more I think about it, the more that I don't want to work that much between now and my trip. I'm going to work whatever shift Marsoir throws at me, because I think that, monetarily, it will be in my best interest. However, I don't want to do it and feel screwed when it comes down to the wire and I need to have all of my gear and my bags packed. Can't do anything about it right now though. So I guess I'll just try to relax, ignore the pain in my back and spend one more day with Mickey Mouse.
What's my problem? I found out Tinkerbelle really is a fairy.
Okay. I'm delinquent, so I'll throw out this hook and line to appease the two or three people who check the blog every day. That's right. I know you check it, like little blog-hos waiting for their John to drop a post.
So over the past week and a half I have been in Atlanta, GA and at Disney World in FL. There have been a great many things I have learned in this time. First and most surprising is that I like the Wii. That's right. This guy who doesn't really play video games likes that machine surrounded in a candy shell of hype called the Wii. I could probably play Mario Kart and the Wii Fit for hours. I mean, how can you not like a game where you race go-karts? Furthermore, how can you not like a game that taunts you for being fat and uncoordinated. It's not outright taunting. It's subtle taunting that makes you think, "Is this little board here giving me shit?"
The second, and probably the most disturbing thing that I have discovered is that Tinkerbelle is a man, baby. I always knew that she was a fairy, but a... fairy? Yeesh. How, you might ask, did I find this out? Well, last night, I was at the Magic Kingdom for their fireworks show called "Wishes." At one point, Tinkerbelle flies from the castle, over the crowd and out of the park. It just so happens that my fam and I were directly under the zip line that Tinkerbelle was to "fly" along.
As Tinkerbelle started the journey and got closer and closer to us, something looked eerily wrong. This "fairy" had man arms and man legs. All of a sudden, my mother says, "Oh my god, that's a guy!" We all looked closer. Sure enough, it was a guy. My first response, and it was said a little bit too loud was, "OH MY GOD! That's not just a FAIRY, that's a QUEEN!" I think I have the right to call any man with a green dress and butterfly wings a raging queen. My entire family stood in shock and awe that a man was attempting to pass himself off as the master of pixie dust. This, as you can tell, became the joke of the night. You know, things like, "At least we REALLY know that fairies can fly" and "Let's just hope he doesn't try to sprinkle his pixie dust on the crowd."
As far as things I have acquired over the past few weeks, I have gotten a Canon SD 890IS digital camera, which seems to be doing the job. I'll have to wait until I buy a SD card reader and transfer the images and videos onto my computer to really find out.
I have also bought the first three seasons of "How I Met Your Mother." I actually got into the series during its second season. Since I have the first season, I can catch up on what happened before I got in. I have to say that the first season, though still hilarious, isn't as good as it has gotten over the past couple of seasons. Barney is less legen... wait for it... dary, and more dork. Still funny though. They have in subsequent seasons removed or lessened the frequency of recurring jokes, such as Barney saying the line, "Suit up!" in every episode, or seeing the kids that the narrator is talking to in every episode, but if you start late and watch the first season, there are a lot of references back to different items, such as the London phone booth, the swords on the wall, and the blue French horn.
I know that this doesn't really mean anything to anyone who doesn't watch this show, but it is the funniest TV show still in production. It's a toss up whether this show or the British show, "Coupling" is funnier. Luckily, now I have both series in their entirety, or at least as much as has been released.
Also, while here at Disney World, something weird happened to my back. I must have slept on it wrong (another reason why I love my bed at home... this shit don't happen). Right now, my back aches on the right side, below my shoulder blade. Sometimes when I breathe in, or when I reach into my pocket, I get a sharp jolting pain. It sucks. I answered my phone which was in my right pocket and nearly let out a yelp of pain. That wouldn't have been too kitchenly of me. It sucks and I'm on day two of it. I'm thinking I must have popped a rib in my sleep and I just need to let it heal and reset. It sucks though. It really sucks.
Well, it's the third of January. I'll be back in Boston by 9PM on the seventh, unless I get bumped again. *crosses fingers & hopes for free money* And I have less than a month before I want to depart the country. Earlier this summer I was a voracious reader when it came to guidebooks and online information about southeast Asia. Now, I've sort of let it go. I'm going to just sort of wing it. I still have to buy my flights and get some pants hemmed. Hopefully the next few weeks will be easy enough for me to get it all done.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say for now. Lots to do, lots to do, and no way to do it until I get back to Boston. I have to say that the more and more I think about it, the more that I don't want to work that much between now and my trip. I'm going to work whatever shift Marsoir throws at me, because I think that, monetarily, it will be in my best interest. However, I don't want to do it and feel screwed when it comes down to the wire and I need to have all of my gear and my bags packed. Can't do anything about it right now though. So I guess I'll just try to relax, ignore the pain in my back and spend one more day with Mickey Mouse.
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